Tuesday, March 19, 2024

Tuesday Ten: Things That Make Me Sad

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Ten Things That Make Me Sad

1) Missing my husband
2) Feeling alone
3) Worrying about things that might never happen
4) Feeling disrespected by people who are supposed to care about me
5) When people don't listen to my thoughts/opinions
6) Gloomy days
7) Watching the news
8) Seeing someone I care about cry
9) Disappointing people I care about
10) Overthinking things

Monday, March 18, 2024

Monday Minute

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What's on tap this week:
Monday
Mom is coming to town
Bible study chat group
GriefShare group online

Tuesday
Blood draw and EKG
Appointment with oncologist

Wednesday
Dentist appointment
 
Thursday
Mom heading home

Friday

Saturday

Sunday

Last week's highlights
Monday morning was my regularly scheduled yearly mammogram. For the first time since I found a lump in my right breast in 2013, I went into the room not feeling scared or anxious. After all, I already have metastatic breast cancer, so what news can I get that's gonna be worse? That afternoon I found out that a beloved aunt had passed away...that makes 4 family members since the day after Christmas. 2024 needs to knock it off! Monday night was another session of GriefShare--and this week I made it through the entire session without crying, which is a major accomplishment for me!

On Tuesday I went to Bible study, where we are studying the Max Lucado book "They Walked With God." Spent the afternoon cleaning, and the evening watching movies.

Wednesday I vacuumed and dusted the entire first floor, walked to the library and back, sent St. Patrick's Day cards to Michael and Lucian, and watched movies. After dinner, went to women's Bible study at the church, where we studied the first two chapters of the book of James. Came home and watched another movie.

Thursday I slept in, then mopped the bathroom and kitchen. Took out the trash before the rain started. Watched the entire miniseries "Apples Never Fall" in the afternoon. Started a pot of black beans, which I can't wait to eat with some cornbread tomorrow. 

Friday, March 15, 2024

Fiction Friday: Hope Lives On, Part One

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Fridays are going to be my day to share some of my writing, whether it be a story, a poem, or whatever. Hope you enjoy!

HOPE LIVES ON (Part One)
By Teresa Kander


Hope trudges out the back door of the diner. The long shift had her head spinning, her legs weak. After she unlocked the car, she sensed someone’s presence. She turned, blinking twice, not believing what she saw.


“Will?” She was barely able to make the words come out of her mouth. “What are you doing here? How did you find me?”


He pushed his blonde hair away from his twinkling green eyes and his mouth formed what Hope had once thought of as an impish grin. “You know what I always say--where there’s a Will, there’s a way.”


She opened the car door then turned back to face him before getting in. “I’m sorry you wasted your time. I’ve got nothing to say to you.”


Hope’s mind was racing during the drive home. What did he want? How had he found her? What was she going to do? The knot in her stomach was growing, and the tears in her eyes threatened to spill over.


She sighed, recalling her teen years in Ohio. She had dreamed of a career in the music industry, of being a pop star someday--but those dreams were broken and left behind, thanks to a disastrous relationship with Will. They fell in love, he introduced her to drugs, and her life went downhill from there. Now she was fresh out of rehab, working as a waitress and trying to put together a new life. She hadn’t seen Will since they were arrested, and she had certainly never expected to see him here in Arizona.


She had to pull herself together. She was no longer the girl she used to be. No way would she let herself be moved by one short encounter. She knew she was stronger than that.


By the time she got home, she had calmed her nerves and formulated a plan. She knew what had to be done, and just who could help her.


As soon as Hope got inside her apartment and locked the door behind her, she picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number. The instant someone picked up, she had two words to say.


”He’s here.”


“Are you alright, Hope?” The male voice the other end of the line was full of concern. “What happened?”


Hope described her brief conversation with Will, then asked “So what do I do now?”


“Just go on with your daily routine, as long as he doesn’t threaten you. I’ll be there tomorrow, and we’ll take care of the problem.”

Thursday, March 14, 2024

Thankful Thursday

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Today I am thankful for:

1) God's love
2) My family
3) My friends
4) Doctors
5) Medicine
6) Bird songs

Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Whatever Wednesday

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I NEED TO RANT
This is going to be a bunch of random thoughts this week.

I am so tired of being treated like I'm invisible or disposable, or whatever the right word is. Certain people seem to think it's okay to dump all their hurt and anger on me regarding other people in their life, and then turn around, the next day, and parrot things those people have said to them, making me into a villain in their life. I don't need to be on a constant emotional rollercoaster right now.

I have feelings too, darn it! And right now, with everything I've been going through since Christmas, my emotions are all over the place all the time on their own. I don't need more drama, more anger, etc. It all brings me more tears, till I don't think I'm going to have any more tears left to cry--and then the whole cycle starts over and I find another river of tears comes pouring out. 

I am so worried that, when I'm gone, my kids are going to drift away from each other into their own little nuclear family bubble, and not stay in touch. It feels like I'm the only reason they ever spend time together, and I don't know if there is anything I can do to help them look at their relationships differently.

I wish that people would stop saying "You're so strong."  I may LOOK strong when I am out in public, but that's just a coping mechanism. The truth of the matter is that I'm constantly on the verge of a breakdown. I cry almost every day, and I keep thinking that I might be better off if I just gave up on everything. I have to find just ONE thing every day as the reason to keep going. Life sucks right now!!

Tuesday, March 12, 2024

Tuesday Ten: Things That Make Me Happy

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THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

1. My family
2. My friends
3. My cats
4. Babies
5. Sloths
6. Hedgehogs
7. Penguins
8. Music
9. Poetry
10. Chocolate

Monday, March 11, 2024

Monday Minute

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What's on tap this week: 

Monday

Mammogram in the AM

Bible study chat group

GriefShare online group


Tuesday

Bible study in the AM--current study is They Walked With God, Max Lucado


Wednesday

Bible study in the PM--currently studying the book of James


Thursday


Friday


Saturday


Sunday

Church and small group


Last week's highlights

Monday night was the third session of GriefShare online. I'm finding it very helpful in dealing with my grief--it's good to know that I'm not the only one feeling the way I do. I just hate that I end up blubbering every time I share something with the group.  :(

Tuesday morning I went to a new Bible study with a couple of friends. Everyone was very welcoming. Then it was off to the hospital for bloodwork and an EKG. Once I got home, I started prep for the next day's colonoscopy. 

Wednesday I had to get up at 4am to continue the prep, and I arrived at 9:45 for my endoscopy (scope of the esophagus) and colonoscopy. Once that was over, I had lunch with a friend at Frisch's. Dinner was a comfort meal of garlic bread, lasagna, and coconut cream pie.

Thursday was errand day: picked up a prescription, got a book from the library, and went to the bank (got my income tax refund!) Got two packages through Pink Ribbon Good--nontoxic cleaning supplies and a super lightweight vacuum. I also set up my first free meal deliveries through them. 

Friday was a day of more medical news. My bone density test showed some issues with my bones, so the oncologist wants me to have an Xgeva injection once a month, but before I can start that I have to have a dental exam to make sure there are no issues with my teeth. So, on March 20th, it's time to see a dentist. Used my new vacuum today and swept the entire downstairs. Friday night I watched "Wonka" while dealing with bone pain---not sure if it's a med side effect or was from the temps getting cold again.

Saturday was laundry day, and I had to unclog a drain. (So much excitement--can you stand it? LOL) I also started decluttering and reorganizing my linen closet--completed 3 of 5 shelves. Hope to finish the rest on Monday.  Had a short visit from my grandson, Michael, this afternoon, and he brought me a Taco Bell quesadilla courtesy of his mom, Samantha. 

Sunday started out with pain in my neck that made it tough to get out of bed. Then a family issue had me crying like a baby---and all this was before 8:30 am. Went to church and small group, then came home and collapsed.

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