Monday, February 27, 2012

If You Need To Blame Someone, Blame Me!

In the last couple of weeks, I've been in the middle of some ridiculous, petty drama which, in the face of what we've all been through, and are still trying to deal with, is SO very unimportant. But I can't just sit back and watch it continue, when I know the wrong person is being "blamed" for things she didn't do.

After much thought, and wracking my brain trying to put events in the right order, I can now say, with much conviction, that I was the person who introduced my former husband to Wicca. While we were still married, the entire family went to the nearby town of Yellow Springs, and at one of the bookstores there, both Samantha and I found books on the subject which we wanted to read, to educate ourselves. We bought them, and both of us read all three of them....and then George read them as well.

Although he didn't mention it to me at the time, he did find things in those books which piqued his interest in the subject, and over time he explored it deeper, on the internet and through books. After our separation/divorce, he mentioned not being comfortable with the beliefs we had been brought up in, and finding more comfort in the Wiccan beliefs, but I never thought much of it until quite a while later when he asked about taking the girls to a gathering of Wiccans.

So, the fact of the matter is, he was already "into" Wicca before he met the person currently being blamed for turning him away from his Christianity. It was his ever curious, ever questioning WIFE at the time who brought it into his life---and if it brought him comfort and answers he couldn't find elsewhere, then I can't say that I regret it.

Having gotten that off my chest, I'm now prepared to let the chips fall where they may.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012


Just some random thoughts:

* Two faced people are so much fun to watch, as long as you're not the person they're talking about. It's funny yet sad to hear them talk so poorly about people behind their backs and then act like their best friend to their face. And of course they're so convincing that there's no convincing the people being played that they really are being played!!

* No matter who you are, you can only lie to me and use me so many times before I wise up, get fed up, and walk away for good. You made your choices, now you're on your own....good luck with having to be a grown up for a change!!

* Still not sure what's up with the "winter" we're having this year in Ohio. Hardly any snow, and days like today when it's nearly 60 degrees. Makes me wonder what kind of "summer" we're going to have to face!

* I LOVE the garlic butter flavored crescent rolls....saves me from having to spread garlic butter on the regular ones! :)

* Hate when we have really delicious cupcakes for dessert and I'm so full from dinner that I can't even THINK about eating one....gotta wait for snack time!!!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Gone Too Soon

George the way I'll always remember him the best...behind his keyboard. :)

George Amyl Haffelt, Jr.

Birth date: November 06, 1957
Death date: February 10, 2012

George A. Haffelt, Jr., 54, of Middletown, Ohio passed away on Friday, February 10, 2012 at the Butler-Warren Hospice Care Center in Franklin, Ohio. George was born on November 6, 1957 in Columbus, Ohio to the late George Amyl Haffelt, Sr., and Katherine Marie "Kay" Fulcher Haffelt who survives. George had been a florist working with his father at Amyl's Floral Fashions and also had worked at Shannon's Floral in Fairborn, Ohio. He was a 1975 Gallia Academy High School Graduate where he played in the band and also graduated from the University of Rio Grande.

He is survived by his children Amylia [Amy] Haffelt, Samantha (Andy) Swan both of Fairborn, Ohio, Brian Rankin of Monroe, Ohio and Grace Ellis of Niceville,FL, 4 grandchildren, his mother Kay Haffelt of Gallipolis, sister Pam (Jacky) Seal of Mt. Airy, NC, nieces Whitney Brooke Large of Greenville, NC, and nephew Justin (Leslie) Large of Oakland, TN, and a great niece Olivia Large. His companion, Linda Begley of Middletown, Ohio also survives.

Friends may call on Monday, February 13, 2012 from noon until 1 pm, at George's request his burial will be private in Mound Hill Cemetery. In lieu of flowers contributions can be made to Willis Funeral Home to help with funeral expenses.

At The End Of My Rope

Too much loss in the last 8 days....I can't write about it, and I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with it.....I'm just falling all to pieces today. I lost a long time friend and former husband last Friday and this morning, totally out of the blue, my oldest daughter and her family packed up and moved away. Too much pain, too much loss....I'm taking an internet vacation for a while, as it feels like a major breakdown is headed my way. Being subject to such deep depressions SUCKS!!!!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Remembering---And Saying Goodbye

This is going to be one of the most difficult posts I've ever written...but I hope that it will be cathartic and will get some of the emotions out that are in my head and heart right now.

Found out last week that former husband #2, George Amyl Haffelt, Jr., father of my 19 yr old daughter, has Stage 4 lung cancer which has metastasized into his bones. He was also a major father figure to my 26 yr old son and my 22 yr old daughter for most of their childhoods, so this is a very difficult time for my entire family. The biggest surprise has been how upsetting it all is for ME...I keep getting teary-eyed at the most unexpected moments, over the most ridiculous things.

I've had a lot of memories come to mind the last few days, and I want to try to put as many of them as I can down in writing, to be able to look back on and smile someday when it doesn't hurt quite so much.

George is four years older than I am, and I've known him pretty much my entire life. Our families attended the same church, and his father was one of the most well-known florists in town.

One of the first things I remember is when he played on the church softball team my father coached....he was a great player, and one of Dad's favorites. He told me later that was when he first started noticing me as well, but since I was only 12, he kept it to himself, not wanting my Dad to hurt him! :)

George has been very musically inclined his entire life. He plays piano, guitar, trombone...and pretty much anything he can get his hands on, really. He also has always been a very good singer, and a songwriter. He wrote the class song for his graduating class in high school, as well as several other songs over the years. Having listened to songs he wrote for other exes, I am very proud to say that, as far as I know, I have NEVER been the subject of a George Haffelt original.

While we were dating, and during most of our marriage, George was a member of a country music band. StillWater, that played most weekends around southeastern Ohio, with some engagements in Columbus or in West Virginia. Those were some of the happiest times of his life....and I had a wonderful time traveling with them whenever I could!!

There are so many memories of George tied to his music...the weekend the band played at the Bob Evans Farm Festival in Rio Grande, Ohio (and I sat in the pouring rain, wearing a big black trash bag over my head, laughing as he sang "Trashy Women"...having a song dedicated to me to celebrate my "16th birthday" on what was actually my 32nd, because I got carded coming into the club that night!...having him dedicate "Don't Close Your Eyes" to me, calling it my song, just because he knew I had gotten SO tired of hearing that song being played by our neighbor over and over and over....

Flowers were another big part of George's life. He grew up working in his father's flower shop and, after some years out of the area, in the Navy and raising his first family, he returned home and worked with his father again. I remember the first time he brought me a flower...he made a point of the fact that he'd BOUGHT it, somewhere other than at the shop where he worked, rather than just getting one from there. It was good to know I mattered enough for him to spend money on me! LOL

Other than that time, though, I don't remember getting flowers very often at all. He felt that, after having worked around flowers all day, he didn't want to have to look at them at home, too. It's sort of like old saying that the cobbler's children go without shoes, I suppose!!!

Speaking of children, George was very involved in the lives of all three of my children. He was a soccer coach for more seasons than I can count, he helped out with Cub Scouts,he was there for every PTA meeting, every teacher conference, every concert, every time they were doing something at the church. When my first husband would do something, or NOT do something, that caused disappointment and hurt for Brian and/or Samantha, George was always there to try to make them feel better.

And Amy couldn't have asked for a better father in her early years. From the day she was born, and named after him, she was his pride and joy. He changed diapers, he gave her baths, he played with name it, he was there.

The first four years of Amy's life, he was also a college student, as well as working at the flower shop. That didn't leave him a lot of spare time, but what he had was given to the four of us. We were all very proud of him when he received his bachelor's degree in History...and even prouder when he was offered a full scholarship to a six week program in Hungary the summer after graduation. Even though we knew we'd miss him, we insisted that he take full advantage of the opportunity....and it wound up being something he never forgot!!

Sure, we had our rough times, which is why he's now my ex husband....but he has always had a place in my heart, and always will, as the father of my youngest child and as my friend. My heart is breaking to know he won't be with us much longer, and it's as much for my own grief as for that of my children.

I'm not ready to say goodbye, so I'll say "See ya later!"

(ADDENDUM: Unfortunately, George passed away in the early morning hours of February 10, 2012....and he is much missed by family and friends!)

Monday, February 6, 2012

Books I've Read In February 2012

1) All These Things I've Done (Birthright, Book One), by Gabrielle Zevin

In 2083, chocolate and coffee are illegal, paper is hard to find, water is carefully rationed, and New York City is rife with crime and poverty. And yet, for Anya Balanchine, the sixteen-year-old daughter of the city's most notorious (and dead) crime boss, life is fairly routine. It consists of going to school, taking care of her siblings and her dying grandmother, trying to avoid falling in love with the new assistant D.A.'s son, and avoiding her loser ex-boyfriend. That is until her ex is accidently poisoned by the chocolate her family manufactures and the police think she's to blame. Suddenly, Anya finds herself thrust unwillingly into the spotlight--at school, in the news, and most importantly, within her mafia family.

2) Lenobia's Vow: A House Of Night Novella, by P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast

Today Lenobia is the horse mistress of the House of Night in St. Louis and Zoey Redbird's favorite teacher. She and her mother were servants in 1788 at the Chateau de Naverre in Evreux, France. Her father the baron seduced her mother, impregnated her and cast her and their offspring aside. That child Lenobia looks identical to her spoiled half-sister Cecile.

When Lenobia is sixteen years old, the legitimate daughter dies from ague. Leonia's mother arranges for her daughter to masquerade as Cecile in order for her to marry an affluent aristocrat. The plot works perfectly as Lenobia and other unmarried young ladies travel by ship to New Orleans to marry rich French aristocrats. While traversing the Atlantic, evil sorcerer Bishop Charles recognizes and announces the fraud as he coveted her back in France and plans to make her his mistress. A nun protects her and she decides to go to the cargo hold on the last level of the ship where she meets Quadroon Martin in the stables. She falls in love with him and the Percheron horse that his employer bought. He sent Martin to go to France so that he could take care of them over the long sea voyage. n The Bishop soon makes his move to rape Lenobia using all means available to him while Martin vows to keep his beloved safe.

The latest House of Night Novella (see Dragon's Oath) focuses on the teen years of a secondary but popular character. Readers learn what shaped Lenobia's present mysterious life as the child is the adult even if two centuries have passed. At sixteen, Lenobia displays the same traits she shows as a teacher: courage, honesty and inner strength. She wanted to be happy, but her choices were limited to be or not to be until a third option was offered. This is an engaging biographical fiction as the Cast crew entertains their fans.

3) Brisingr (The Inheritance Cycle), by Christopher Paolini

Oaths sworn . . . loyalties tested . . . forces collide.

It's been only months since Eragon first uttered "brisingr," the ancient language term for fire. Since then, he's not only learned to create magic with words-he's been challenged to his very core. Following the colossal battle against the Empire's warriors on the Burning Plains, Eragon and his dragon, Saphira, have narrowly escaped with their lives. Still, there is more adventure at hand for the Rider and his dragon, as Eragon finds himself bound by a tangle of promises he may not be able to keep.

First is Eragon's oath to his cousin, Roran: to help rescue Roran's beloved from King Galbatorix's clutches. But Eragon owes his loyalty to others, too. The Varden are in desperate need of his talents and strength-as are the elves and dwarves. When unrest claims the rebels and danger strikes from every corner, Eragon must make choices-choices that will take him across the Empire and beyond, choices that may lead to unimagined sacrifice.

Eragon is the greatest hope to rid the land of tyranny. Can this once simple farm boy unite the rebel forces and defeat the king?

4) What The Night Knows, by Dean Koontz

In the late summer of a long ago year, a killer arrived in a small city. His name was Alton Turner Blackwood, and in the space of a few months he brutally murdered four families. His savage spree ended only when he himself was killed by the last survivor of the last family, a fourteen-year-old boy.

Half a continent away and two decades later, someone is murdering families again, recreating
in detail Blackwood’s crimes. Homicide detective John Calvino is certain that his own family—his wife and three children—will be targets in the fourth crime, just as his parents and sisters were victims on that distant night when he was fourteen and killed their slayer.

As a detective, John is a man of reason who deals in cold facts. But an extraordinary experience convinces him that sometimes death is not a one-way journey, that sometimes the dead return.

Here is ghost story like no other you have read. In the Calvinos, Dean Koontz brings to life a family that might be your own, in a war for their survival against an adversary more malevolent than any he has yet created, with their own home the battleground. Of all his acclaimed novels, none exceeds What the Night Knows in power, in chilling suspense, and in sheer mesmerizing storytelling.

5) No Time For Goodbye, by Linwood Barclay

Fourteen-year-old Cynthia Bigge woke one morning to discover that her entire family–mother, father,brother–had vanished. No note, no trace, no return. Ever. Now, twenty-five years later, she’ll learn the devastating truth.

Sometimes it’s better not to know. . . .

Cynthia is happily married with a young daughter, a new family. But the story of her old family isn’t over. A strange car in the neighborhood, untraceable phone calls, ominous “gifts”–someone has returned to her hometown to finish what was started twenty-five years ago. And no one’s innocence is guaranteed, not even her own. By the time Cynthia discovers her killer’s shocking identity, it will again be too late . . . even for goodbye.

Goal for 2012: 60 Year to date: 8
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