Monday, August 14, 2017

Feeling Betrayed

Something happened this weekend, and I'm not sure if I'm being overly sensitive and making too much of it, or if I'm actually justified in feeling hurt, disappointed and yes, even a little betrayed.

I took part in a poetry/flash fiction reading this weekend, and naturally, I had invited all of my children. I didn't really expect my son and his family to be there, as I know it's a bit of a drive and money is tight for them right now, particularly with my grandson's first birthday party coming up NEXT weekend. I knew my oldest daughter would be there as she's currently living with us and I could twist her arm if necessary. And I really thought my youngest daughter and her husband would be there, as she knows what a big deal it is for me to share my writing with people, much less get up in front of an audience to do it.

Before I go on, a little background....said couple spends time with his parents almost every weekend, but we only seem to see them at our house when their presence is requested for a family occasion. They might be somewhere shopping 5 minutes away, but it never occurs to them to just stop by, and that has been hurtful in itself.

So, back to the weekend. Friday night, I saw on Facebook that they were at his parents, so I actually let myself hope that meant they had cleared Saturday night to come support me. Then, while we were waiting for the event to get started Saturday night, my oldest daughter showed me a Facebook post commenting on the fact they had hung out that afternoon with her stepmother....now, I have no problem with that in and of itself, but considering the fact that they did NOT show up to support and encourage me Saturday night, it just added salt to the wound.

Last night, my daughter and I had our usual weekly phone call, and I decided to be honest and tell her that my feelings had gotten hurt by her not showing up, especially since she had spent time with the in-laws and with her stepmother.  I mean, really....I felt/feel like I don't matter to her anymore.  It's the middle of August, and I can count the times I've seen her this year on one hand--my daughter-in-law's birthday party, and three times during the two weeks her nephew was staying with us this summer.

Her reason for not coming up on Saturday? Because she had to work Sunday morning....to which I said she could have left around 8, and been home around 9. Her response to that was "But that's the time I go to bed!" So you get home and go straight to bed...I've done that plenty of times in the past.
And when I repeated that I just wanted her to know she'd hurt my feelings, the response was "Whatever," which made me feel even worse.

I think it hurts even more because when she was living at home, especially after she graduated from high school, I felt like we had a very close relationship, and these days it feels like we don't have ANY kind of relationship.

So, if you've read through this, tell me HONESTLY what you think. Am I right to feel hurt, or am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

3 comments:

  1. You have the right to feel hurt. Your daughter was being selfish. But you'll need to get over it. We always do. :)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! I know I'll get over it, but it's nice to hear from someone else that I'm not overreacting. :)

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  2. The problem is your daughter doesn't realise the effect her actions have on you or indeed probably on other people. Yes, it hurts and I've been there. The trouble with being a mum is that you will always forgive them and when they need you, you will open your heart and your arms and be there for them. For now though you have to make your own life and put that hurtful action somewhere where it won't be forgotten but can be forgiven (in time).

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