Sunday, August 3, 2014
My Broken Heart
Day 3: What would you say to the first person who broke your heart?
This comes from my journal at that time, so it's a little raw, angry and emotional in places.
The main thing is, I shouldn't have let you take the coward's way out and just end things over the telephone. I deserved BETTER than that after everything we'd shared during the last year. I should have insisted you look me in the eye and tell me to my face that you never really loved me. Maybe I'm delusional, but I don't think you could have done it. I think that, seeing my face, and the pain that would have been so obvious when you looked at me, you would have either had second thoughts, or you would have had to admit that I was right all along--that when it came right down to having to make a choice, you couldn't give up the life you had, where you were comfortable, no matter how much you loved me. In the end, I was exactly what I always feared I was--your midlife crisis fling, enjoyed for a while and then tossed aside without so much as a second thought.
Is that all I was to you, really? Someone to massage your ego, to make you feel loved and wanted for a little while? Was everything you said to me for that year just a bunch of lies? Was I really THAT gullible and stupid?!?!
No matter how hard I try to be that strong woman you helped me find, it's all just show these days. She's gone again, and in her place is that scared little girl, more lonely and more broken than before--because this time she put her REAL self out there for someone, trusting him to understand and support her, and once again she wasn't good enough, she didn't matter enough!!