Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Tuesday Ten: Things My Father "Taught" Me

 photo absensequotes.jpg

The actual theme for this week is ten things I love about my father. Considering my lack of relationship with my father over the last seventeen years, and because of it my total distaste for Father's Day, this is not an easy post for me to write---so I've decided to go at it from a place of sarcasm, and as a list of ten things he "taught" me.

1) He taught me that when you get to middle age, it's okay to ignore your wife and children, and to start spending time with a woman and her two children who all look remarkably like your wife and children looked ten years before.

2) He taught me that leaving your child sitting outside your apartment for an hour, in the middle of the night, while she hears you talking to a woman, and then trying to convince her that she didn't hear anything at all, is good parenting.

3) He taught me that it's okay to take your girlfriend and her children on a cross country trip to your brother's house, instead of taking your own children with you (one of whom had never met those family members) because, as you said to me "Your mother needs you to take care of her."

4) He taught me that it is fine not to tell your children when you are getting remarried, and to let them read about it in the newspaper instead.

5) He taught me that it is acceptable to choose your new wife over your children because she doesn't want them in "her" house.

6) He taught me that spouses are expendable and interchangeable at will.

7) He taught me that it is acceptable to miss important events in the lives of your children just because you might have to be in the same room as your former spouse.

8) He taught me that there is nothing wrong with keeping the death of your father from your child simply because she lives abroad and wouldn't be able to attend the funeral anyway.

9) He taught me how to disappear from your child's life without any explanation or excuse, and to leave them confused and hurting.

10) He taught me that a parent's love isn't always forever, and isn't always unconditional.

11 comments:

  1. Oh, I'm sorry sorry this topic brought up bad memories for you! I'm glad you participated anyway and hope that writing the list was somehow therapeutic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It just came at exactly the wrong time, considering some news I got on Sunday (see Father's Day SUCKS!!!). I'm having to come to terms with the fact that I am no longer seen as part of his family, and just get on with my life with the family I do have.

      Delete
  2. I am so sorry you had a father who treated you like this. Father's are so important and when men can't see how important their role in the family is, every one gets hurt by their poor decisions. I hope over time you will find the peace you need to forgive. My heart goes out to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fortunately, I had 16 yrs of seeing him as a good father before any of this stuff happened. I've pretty much forgiven, but something happened over the weekend that brought it all slamming back, and I had to start accepting that it will never be "fixed."

      Delete
  3. I didn't get along with my father, and I eventually came to realize he had wanted a boy child first not a girl child, me. We didn't get along as early as age 5 or so. I overheard something similar to what you heard while dad talked to a friend. I told my mother, a big argument ensued and my dad said it was all my fault. I had started it, he said, by lying. I never trusted him again. My mother stood between me and him, so he couldn't take any action towards me. So, I understand how hard it is to have a selfish, mean father.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was always Daddy's little girl from the day I was born, till the day he moved out, when I was almost 17....that's what makes the relationship I describe here all the more difficult to understand. I love him to death, and it breaks my heart knowing he doesn't feel the same.

      Delete
  4. My heart hurts for the relationship (or lack thereof) you have with your father. I hope that writing this was therapeutic for you. Hopefully in recognizes his faults and mistakes you have been able to avoid similar issues as an adult.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I made some of his mistakes, but I was big enough to admit them and to apologize to everyone who was hurt by them, so that the pain has not been lasting, and the relationships were mended.

      Delete
    2. Recognizing, acknowledging, and apologizing for your mistakes goes a LONG way towards making it right!

      Delete
  5. Oh, Teresa, I'm so sorry to read this! Unfortunately, I know several men that have left their families because they "don't want to be married any more" or they want to move in with someone else. I just can't understand how these "men" can leave their children behind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks...it's been tough at times, but writing about it is always cathartic, and great free therapy!

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...