Tuesday, March 4, 2014


Again, this was a topic where I had to choose between a few options. The case I finally settled on is one that has been an issue for well over half my life. It's one of those things where I can SAY I've forgiven the person, but then something happens to remind me of the hurt, and it's all right there all over again.

The person I most need to forgive is my father. From the time I was born, until I was nearly 17 years old, I was his little girl, and he was someone I looked up to in some many ways. During my junior year of high school, I realized that he had a girlfriend (later found out there were at least 3 of them!), and at one point I actually confronted him, telling him that if he didn't love us enough to be with us he should just leave. Six weeks or so later, he did exactly that, so I felt some guilt over that for a while.

In the middle of my senior year, my parents divorce was final...and six weeks later, I saw in the newspaper that my father had married someone else. From that point (March 1979) until sometime in the fall of 1980, I had almost no contact with my father, other than getting gifts from him for my birthday and Christmas. I was hurt, angry, and very disappointed in him, and at that point, the lack of a relationship was by my own choice.

In the fall of 1980, when I was in college and living away from home, I reached out to my father again, and began to rebuild my relationship with him. From that point until the fall of 1994, we had a very good relationship, and he was a part of my life and the lives of my children. He was a frequent visitor to our home, and us to his.

In the fall of 1994, my little family moved two hundred miles away from my hometown. From that moment on, the relationship with my father evaporated. My phone calls went to voice mail and were never answered, my letters were unanswered. The only contact has been a yearly Christmas card...but only if I send him one first.

In 2012, I waited until after Christmas to send him anything, so that I could send pictures of my children and my grandson. Once again, there was no acknowledgement of that effort to reach out to him. So, once again, I had to deal with anger, hurt, frustration, disappointment. Since then, there's been no contact at all between us, so I'm learning to accept the fact that our relationship is beyond repair at this point,and that it's not my fault.

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