Wednesday, January 29, 2014

My Fears

Fears....we all have them at some point. Some stick with us, some come and go. This is a list of some of the fears I've dealt with in my life.

The first fear I remember having, sadly, is of my parents....more accurately, of them hitting me. I was spanked with a belt, a switch or their hands, hit with a hairbrush, a wooden spoon, a yardstick---whatever was handy at the time. I was afraid, I was angry, I had an entire range of negative emotions toward that sort of "discipline," because I was and still am a very sensitive, emotional person.

From about the age of five, I developed a fear that still persists to this day. I was on vacation with my parents in Florida, and we stopped at a place called Serpentarium. That night I had horrible nightmares about snakes, and I've been nearly phobic about them ever since.  I made the mistake of watching "Snakes On A Plane" with Barry and Amy, and I was hallucinating snakes in our living room before it was over....NOT a fun evening for dear old Mom!!

The next fear I remember is of bridges.  When I was in first grade, a bridge in our community collapsed, killing 46 people, including my best friend's mother. From that point on, until I was in my twenties, I was terrified to cross a bridge. I would close my eyes, hold my breath, and grab tightly to the door handle. Needless to say, until I got over that fear, there was no way I could ever drive over a bridge.

Every time I was pregnant, I had a fear of something being wrong with the baby.....thankfully, those fears were all unfounded and I gave birth to three healthy children. I also had a fear of the pain of childbirth all three times, and yet I made an informed choice to have all three babies drug free...just call me crazy!  :)

This past spring/summer, I encountered a whole new fear....the fear of leaving my husband a widower, and my children motherless, one of them an orphan. I started planning my memorial service at one point, as well as making a list of people I wanted to say goodbye to before it was too late. It was a scary, scary time, and I'm just glad to be past it. I may have to go down that road again, but if I do, it won't be with fear, but with strength and courage.

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