Friday, August 2, 2013

Forgive Me In Advance

Before I even begin to type the actual body of this blog, I must ask forgiveness...this is going to be long, it's going to contain a lot of information, and it's probably going to offend a few people before it's done. However, it's something that has been weighing heavily on me for a while now, and has finally gotten to the point of stressing me out so much today that I just knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep until I got back up and put it all out there, just to get it off my chest.

First and foremost, anyone who knows me is well aware that I love all three of my children, sometimes to a fault (or to the point of being able to overlook THEIRS). Nothing will ever change the fact that they mean the world to me, or that I will love them unconditionally. Sometimes, however, there comes a point in life where you have to realize that, no matter how much you love someone, you simply cannot condone the choices they are making.

That is where I have found myself this year, time and again, with my middle child and oldest daughter, Samantha. I have watched her get further and further off the path where she needs to be walking, and seen her burn bridge after bridge when people have tried their best to help her. I find myself crying for her almost every day, but I can no longer put myself in a position to be used and abused by her.

Let me back up to where this all started this year, which was in March. At that point, pretty much out of the blue, she announced she was leaving her husband, and that her best friend was going to Michigan to pick up her and her son and bring her back here to Ohio. She also led us to believe they would be moving in with this friend, although I asked her to stay with us for the weekend, just so we could keep them safe if her husband decided to follow her down here and try to make them go back.

The weekend turned into a week, then two, then a month, then six weeks, as she kept making excuses why she couldn't move in with the friend. During that time, she wasn't working, was barely doing anything to care for her son (expecting her sister and I to do it and "give her a break"). She was also getting involved with other men, and exposing her son to them, confusing him to the point he was referring to "his new daddy" by Easter weekend.

We finally gave her a date by which she had to move out, so a week prior to that she sent her son back to Michigan to be with his father, and just started to spend all of her time hanging out with her friends, rather than looking for a job and a place to live. When the move out date came and we enforced it, she tried tears and anger to get us, mostly me, to change our minds, but to no avail. She wound up moving from place to place around town for the next week or so, and then going back to Michigan to move in with her husband's sister and her family, at which point her son was also living there with her.

That situation worked well for the first month or so, as she helped out with her nieces and nephew and pitched in as part of the family....but then apparently that got old and she needed more excitement, so she started wanting to bring men around their house as well. She also decided to start sharing her son with his father every other week, and on the weeks he wasn't with her she would leave town with a guy, usually having him around all the children on the day they were leaving town.

In July, things really began to go wrong. After she came back from a week away, on a Friday night, she was out with three other different men in the course of the weekend. When she got her son back on Sunday, she was expected to go to her sister in law's with him for the coming week, but she never showed up, and no one knew where they were until Monday afternoon.  She had decided to move in with some guy she barely knew, and to take her three year old son with her.  :(

At the end of that week, my grandson went back to his father's house. That was nearly two weeks ago, and the entire two weeks has been filled with drama. The new boyfriend got arrested and has been sitting in jail (last I heard is that he should get out on Monday, August 5th). Then she went somewhere with some friends and called her husband at 4 am from 4 hrs away because the only person in the car with a license had gotten arrested for drunk driving and put in jail....so they all had to wait around till that person got out, as my son in law refused to call off work and go get her.

He has been buying things for my grandson, giving my daughter money, and spending $50 a month to keep her phone turned on. And yet she was ticked off that he wouldn't spend that day driving four hrs. each way to clean up HER mess....and that he wouldn't give her money to pay for calls from the jail every day from the boyfriend! (She managed to get her stepmother to send her some money for that, and then she overdrew her husband's bank account twice, till he froze it and then closed it).

Now it looks as though she's planning to run back to Ohio, as she has some guy down here saying the two of them are in a relationship, and that the two of them are soul mates who are going to be together forever. She's also been calling her husband wanting to know when he's going to bring their son back to her, so she obviously thinks she'll just run with him, as well.  Sorry, but she'd best think again.....the boy needs to have a stable home where he feels safe, and where all his needs are being met, and that's not with someone who has no visible means of support, no home, no nothing....

She's going to see this as me taking her husband's side against her, but this is not about EITHER of them. This is about the most adorable three year old boy, who deserves a better life than he's had for most of his life, and about which parent is willing to step up, GROW UP, and see that he has it.  One parent is currently living in a stinky, flea infested trailer with almost no furniture, including no beds, and has no money to buy food...while the other has a full time job, a fully furnished house including a bedroom for the child and plenty of food in the house. One parent is planning to pick up and move yet again, while the other has the child enrolled in Head Start for the year, has gotten him back into his regular dentist and doctor appts., and has him on a regular daily schedule.

While I hope that my daughter will realize that she needs to make changes in her life, and start taking care of herself so that she can eventually be a more active part in her son's life, right now I can't support him being with her, nor can I support the choices she is making for her own life. In my opinion, she needs to stay away from the men for a while and concentrate on HER....get her GED, get a job, get a place of her own, and be self-sufficient before she thinks about any sort of relationship. That's just my two cents, though, and I know that at this moment it means even less than that to her. She wants to surround herself with people who will tell her what she wants to hear, not what she needs to hear, so I'm not high on her list of favorite people.

I just hope she never forgets that I love her and will always want the best for her.

3 comments:

  1. Stick to your guns, T. Unfortunately, I have seen this before, all too close to home. But it all ended two months ago.

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  2. D..I'm sticking, and I'm praying. Unfortunately, I think I know the situation you mean,and I hope and pray we see a better ending--but it's all in God's hands at this point.

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  3. Oh dear, what an awful situation. I do hope your daughter can find her way through this mess and that your grandson gets a stable homelife either with his dad or with your support or both. Good luck to you all.

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