Monday, September 26, 2011

Feeling Like A Failure

My former church is in the midst of a sermon series that caught my attention The series is called "Grace And Truth In Tension." The first sermon was "Grace, Truth and the Hypocritical," and yesterday was "Marriage and Divorce." Upcoming sermons are "Homosexuality," "Cohabitation," and "Role Of Religion In Politics." I've listened to the first two sermons online, BECAUSE it caught my attention...and I'll probably listen to the others as well. But yesterday's sermon tore a big hole in my heart, and left me feeling like a major failure. I can't remember the last time I cried like a baby during and after a sermon, or felt like I was doomed to Hell with no hope of any sort. I'm seriously sitting here feeling like I might as well not even TRY anymore...what's the point if I've already screwed things up this much?

You see, I'm twice divorced, and three times married. According to what I heard in listening to this sermon, I shouldn't have gotten the first divorce, and just didn't TRY hard enough to make it work. Failure.....

And then, when I did get the divorce, I should have stayed single, unless I got back together with him. Failure #2.....

At least with the second divorce, the abuse and the drinking on his part made it okay...but I wouldn't have been in that situation if I hadn't married him in the first place. Failure #3....

And let's not forget that marriages #2 and #3 have been "adultery." Failure #4....

So, yeah....I'm having a great Monday....it's rainy and dark, so I was already depressed, and then I had to go and get on THIS line of thinking. Brilliant idea, kiddo!! :*(

2 comments:

  1. Teresa, I can so relate to this......girl, please don't let this ruin your day, or your life. When things like this threaten to upend me and make me completely miserable and hopeless, I go back to the Bible and remember all the saints and men and women of God who were used in mighty ways and fell way short of a 'Biblical' standard for purity......David did some big time stuff wrong and he is still listed in the Bible as a 'Man after God's own heart.' How about Rahab? She was a prostitute, yet God used her to save His Chosen people, the Jews. Matthew was a dreaded money changer, one of the worst sinners ever in the New Testament, yet he was a disciple, a follower of Jesus, literally........and wrote the very first book of the New Testament. I hate when sermons are preached like the one you listened to.....because it defeats people like you and I. There are so many people in the church who have deep, dark sins we know nothing about, because they remain hidden. Do what you can to get through this day........grieve and sob before the Lord, and tomorrow go back to being the bright light you are to your family. You have a published book and a book signing coming up! Keep your eyes on the things ahead!!

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  2. Thanks, Erin...I needed that! :)

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