Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Who's Afraid????

#1 What are you afraid of? Write about your biggest fears.

My biggest fear? That's an easy one--losing my husband. Not in the "He's going to leave me for someone else" sense--he's too crazy in love with me for that to be a concern (and no, that's not conceit...that comes from what he says, how he treats me, and what he's put up with over the years. I am TRULY blessed!) What worries me is the possibility of losing him to cancer. You see, he had a bout with lung cancer about four years ago. It was a small spot, and removing half of a lung took care of it, with no radiation or chemo...and so far there's been no recurrence. But having to watch him go through that---just months after ten days in the hospital with pneumonia when I wasn't sure he'd pull through--made me realize just how much he means to me and just how impossible it would be for me to go on without him.

Between the pneumonia and the lung cancer, and a lot of lectures from his doctors, he was able to quit smoking, which lasted about six months. Then, for whatever reason, he started up again. He tried to hide it from me at first, and when I found out, I was devastated. I've cried, I've yelled, I've tried to make him understand my feelings, but to no avail. He continues to smoke, and I continue to hurt every time he goes outside to light up.

So I sit and wait, fearful that horrible disease will one day rear it's ugly head...and knowing that I'm still giving it power over our lives on a daily basis.


  1. right now I am afraid of giving birth to my baby girl in three weeks from now!! :)

  2. Totally understand. I have that same fear, but my husband had a brother that died of a heart attack. My husband now has high cholesterol so the fear of him having a heart attack sticks in my head.


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